Africa. Not Virginia.

I need to go to Africa.

I'm called. Not permanently (I don't think). But I need to go and experience it. I need to go to the slums. I need to put faces with names and stories on the things that are just numbers and statistics to me. I need to put faces on those kids and hear the stories of those families.

I don't know when I have to go, but I have to go. Soon. In the next few years.
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I almost want to go alone. I don't want it to be safe. I don't want it to be planned. I want to have only God to trust in.

He'll take care of me.

I want to go and have God show me what God wants to show me. I'll just show up, because He is already there.
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I want it to destroy me.
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I want to take my family there when I have one. I want them to know what life is like for some people. So they never think we need a big house or nice things. I want them to always know that a world outside theirs exists.

Because when I was growing up I never knew that, and I so wish I had.
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If I see Africa, I know it will never let wanting what I want rule me. It will help always want what God wants.

I won't let me just have a nice house in the suburbs and pretend like suffering doesn't exist.

Jesus would hate that.
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I'm called to engage the suffering for the rest of my life, and Africa won't let me forget that.
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If I was in the suburbs and lived like I did when I grew up, then I would have false security. I would feel secure because of myself, not because of God.

I would have material comfort. I don't want that, because I would know it was fake.
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Nice things aren't fulfilling. Jesus is fulfilling. Doing His work is fulfilling.

Engaging this world is fulfilling.

Because then I know it's Jesus that is taking care of me. I trust Him more than myself, even if I'll never admit it.
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Someone used to tell me that after they graduated they wanted to move to Virginia and live in the mountains and have a nice house and live that kind of life.

I can't live that life. I'm called to something more.
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I'm called to Africa. I'm not called to Virginia. Maybe you are. That's okay. Go there. Love people. Jesus is in Virginia. But I'm not.

Africa. Not Virginia.
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Peace.