Sean

In high school I had a friend named Sean. Sean was amazing. Sean had more passion in his little finger than I have in my entire body. Sean had more potential than anyone I'd ever met.

And Sean threw it all away.
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Sean loved God.

Sean wanted to love people.

Sean wanted to bring Jesus everywhere he went.
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Sean was made to do those things. It was obvious. You could see it. Everyone could.

Sean oozed potential that put me to shame.

And Sean threw it away.
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One of the most insightful things Sean ever said was this:

"Most of the time, when people who say they want to give all of their life to God and have Him completely transform their lives, they don't really mean what they just said. What they really mean is 'take everything in my life, except my desire to date someone,' or 'take everything, but my ability to smoke weed,' or 'take all of me except my occasional getting drunk at parties,' or, 'take all of me, except the sex with my girlfriend.' When that is our attitude then we aren't being upfront with God. When we tell God, 'take everything but just this little piece' God responds, 'Then keep everything. That's it. It's all or nothing.'"
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When you read that you can sense the passion. He was a person who had done it all the wrong way. He was a person that knew Jesus was more real then everything else he had ever put his life into.

That quote was so genuine from Sean because he had been the same person who said, "Take it all except this. Take it all except that."

"Take everything I am... except the things that are hardest to let go of."
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Eventually, Sean lost something. Or he gained something. I don't which. But it wasn't good.

It wasn't good.
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Sean began saying the same things he used to. The same things he knew were going to kill him.

Somewhere along the line, Sean began to believe that he could get by because he thought he could be an exception. And that attitude destroyed him.

He lost his passion.

He lost his love.

He got hit with so much hardship and he had nothing in himself that could save him. At the end of the day, Sean never wanted to give it all to Jesus.

He was addicted to his life, no matter how destructive it was.
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One of the most painful things I've ever watched was Sean's life go the way it has. To see a person who has so much potential and passion not be strong enough to sustain it...

It's more than awful.
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I write this because I see people who are like Sean.

They have his potential.

They have his passion.

And they are on the verge. They are at the crossroads Sean walked to. And I don't want to see them go the way Sean went.

Because watching that is more than heartbreaking.
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And the scariest thing. The absolute most terrifying thing. Is that sometimes...

I am Sean.
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Sometimes I see myself doing things things and making decisions that I know aren't from Jesus.

They are from me.
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I love Sean. I miss Sean.

But I don't ever want to be Sean.
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God, save us.
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Peace.