It is Christmas, and I'd be lying if i didn't feel conflicted about today, and the season, and the way we typically celebrate it.
Now just for clarification, this will not be a rant where I condemn the American understanding and celebration of Christmas. This post is just some thoughts I've been having the last couple weeks, and they will probably all be things you already have thought of yourself.
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My status on facebook today is, "Merry Christmas friends! Jesus was born to show us what life with God looks like, what our lives should be, and to take our sins that we could not bear. Remember his love for you and others. You are loved and in need of such love! Thanks be to God!"
I mean those words, and I really wish that the way that I celebrated the Christmas season reflected that those words are what this holiday is about. But, honestly, I feel off because I don't see those words in my celebration of this season. And that makes me feel sad and kind of disappointed.
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There is no one to blame but myself, but I very much let this season transition into being about 2 different things: excess and rest.
Rest I'm okay with. I think that rest is an appropriate way for me to experience these few weeks considering what just ended in my college semester and what is upcoming in the next. And truth be told, I've been resting but I've also been productive. It seems like, more than anything else, I've been resting from social interaction and have kind of retreated back to a place where responsibility is low and I'm pretty free to do what I'd like when I'd like. Truly, I am thankful for this aspect of my Christmas season. It is rewarding and gives me the freedom to be productive in ways I really value.
Excess, I think, is where a lot of my discomfort is coming from. I'd bet that many people in similar settings to myself would say that during the holiday seasons at home with family, there just seems to be "more" of just about everything. This doesn't have to be a bad thing whatsoever; after all, I do think that celebrating and joy is such an important thing in Christianity. Even still, I think that my experience with excess isn't always based purely out of celebrating joy because of Christ, but out of my own selfish desire for "more." That is prompts me to keep spending more and eating more and taking more and more and more and more. The thing that makes it difficult is that I've become somewhat aware of it, and that is what springs this difficulty; no one likes experiencing discontinuity in him/herself.
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A lot of my friends have been using the phrase "wait and hope." That is an accurate way to think about this season, wait for in what you have hope. Either way, I think I'm aware I wasn't waiting for anything this Christmastime. As a matter of fact, there was no preparation on my part, no waiting, no anxiousness, no desiring for what is to come... none of that was present in my spirit.
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I really feel impoverished by the lack of those things in my attitude towards Christmas this year, and those things are the focus of the Advent season. It may be safe to say that my mishandling of Christmas was prompted by my lack of involvement with the Advent season. Needless to say, I wish I had handled that better.
It is understandable, though, to be caught up in a fast-paced time and miss what is important; happens all the time. All that to say, no one is to blame and although I know what Christmas is about and should be about I wish I had given the season the demeanor and attention it deserved.
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This time is about Jesus. It's not about me.
It's remembering and waiting and celebrating and thankfulness and joy.
Jesus did come. He was born do the best things that could be done for us. He came to do things we could not do for ourselves. He came to save us, because we are loved.
Show others that love, know you are loved, and know you are in need of that love.
I truly wish all of you a very very Merry Christmas time, full of love that brings joy and thankfulness.
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Peace.
