Mediocrity Or More

Sometimes I think there is a choice.

An overarching choice of what kind of life I am going to live that is comprised of all the little choices I am making everyday.

It is the choice between mediocrity and something more. Something so much more that I don't even know where it takes me or what it entails. But it is more.
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This makes every choice in front of me today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and so on... matter.

It makes everything matter because you can't make this choice of the tone of your life in one decision. It's not designed that way. It takes consistency and dedication to reach the more I am talking about. It takes commitment to not look at things simply in the now but to see the implications of life in a broader context.

The broader context is that what I want now oftentimes isn't going to take me where I want to be in the future. And so I have a choice, and I think it is a fairly common choice among people;

Do I sacrifice what I know I want now to be what I know I want to be and go where I know I want to go, or do I say to hell with it and do what I want in the moment?
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The question is probably more elementary than we even realize. If I think back on it, a lot of my regrets in life come down to the fact that I satisfied something I wanted in the moment, even while knowing the possible repercussions or negative effects, simply because "I wanted it." Textbook temptation.

I normally see a point where I was contemplating whatever that choice or situation was, and I knew what the high road was and I knew that there was a wiser decision that I probably should make, but I chose the other one. I chose that because I thought I could get away with it, or it would be funny, or what would come of it wasn't actually that bad. Sometimes my justifications were right, and sometimes they were very very wrong. Enter Regret.
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I have come to believe that those decisions, however little they were or weren't, have a profound impact on my character over time, if not the larger scope of my life in general. And they are what guide me toward mediocrity or more.

It's a battle of sorts. It makes the mundane significant and it begs you to get outside your own head and realize there are bigger things. Bigger things than the decisions right in front of you. More important things than just what you want in this moment. Things that make sacrifice worth it.
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I believe I was made for more than mediocrity. But here, mediocrity can be a dirty word. It can seem like I am plastering some people as insignificant or doing things in the wrong way. I'm not. I'm just speaking from my conviction.

I think we were all made for more than mediocrity, and that looks different for me and for you. But I think you can feel what I'm talking about. This drive that we are supposed to be going somewhere good and we can feel it in our bones and in our spirits if we are going there. We can feel it if we are lost too. It's a sad, heavy feeling that seems like it robs our lives of carrying peace because we know there is more.
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I think you know what I'm talking about. I don't think I'm crazy. And I want more. I don't want mediocrity. I want to be out of my head and I want you out of your head too. I want to do things well because I know that it matters more than I always think it does. I want to travel the road to more without the awful detours I know I could take. And I don't want a damn thing to do with the road to mediocrity.
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We were made for more. And the choice is ours. We need to remember that it is our choice. And we need to know you don't just make it once. You make it over and over and over again. You make it until you die, because even if you have arrived, you can still leave.

I will not settle for less than more. With God's help, this is what we were made to do.
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"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."
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Peace.

Be Still, My Soul

I need to be more thankful. I really need to find joy in things.

I won't say that I suck at those things because that would just be self-pity, and that is lame. So I'll just admit that some characteristics about my personality tend keep me focused on things I should improve upon in an effort to always keep me striving forward. Sometimes that goes too far and I wind up beating myself up and such when I shouldn't.

If this all sounds familiar it is because you either know me well enough to have seen this happen of you read my blog called Price Check that I wrote quite some time ago that echoed some similar thoughts.

You'll have to forgive the redundancy, these are just some (still) current issues in my life.
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When I take a step back, one that was hopefully preceded by a deep breath, then my mind is blown over and over again by the incredibleness that is my life.

The realizations are nearly heavenly.

So much so, that all I want to do is pull a magic lever that makes the entire world stop and see what I see and soak it all up and just stop. Stop. Appreciate.

But that lever is fake. There is nothing even close to doing that. I at least want to grab the nearest people to me and shake them til they see what I see. Til the moment of awe overtakes them like it just did me.

But that doesn't work either. I imagine most of the times I would do that, the person I'm attempted to assist would think i was having a moment of insanity more than a moment of clarity.
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The worst part is that I get so discouraged when that moment doesn't stay as long as I'd like or seems to get interupted by one of the other, very real, and slightly less peaceful aspects of the world.

But that is just such the wrong reaction. It makes me shake my head. How can I go from a moment of incredible awe and thankfulness to discouragement and frustration? Makes me think I'm losing my mind and need to be diagnosed with something less than flattering to discuss at the lunch table.
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In any case, I think that this is a very spiritual issue. Truth be told, I like to dance around spiritual issues in my writing. I don't like to be overbearing and force my own beliefs. I enjoy painting a picture with my stories and experiences and use them to find a connection from scripture or what I believe about God. Being blunt and using very Christian or Churchy language irks me. It makes me feel categorized when I read it and cliche when I write it. It doesn't mean I don't think those things are true, I think it just means that I don't like writing things that would have made me think the person who wrote it was out of their mind if I read it when I was 15.

15 year old Nick didn't have much appreciation for terribly Churchy and Christian langauge. The words were foreign and felt more like a cop-out than a perspective anyone really owned. It was almost like I didn't believe the people who wrote what I was reading really bought into what they were saying.

That's why it was cliche. It was just what everyone else always said. Why didn't anyone own what they said?
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That was off topic, but I say that to say this: I think the devil is very real.

I think that he messes with us a lot. I think we can't say what that looks like and we can't consistently attribute different happenings to the devil. I think that he wants us to think we have him all figured out and pinned down.

I think that he gets us focused on little things. He distracts us. I think he helps us focus on the things we want and focus on the unsatisfactory parts of things. I think that he tugs us to pay attention to things that rob God of the glory and thanks He deserves. I think he temps us and encourages us to do things we know are unwise by helping us tell ourselves that it will be fine. I think he knows what he is doing, and he is the best at it. I think he causes us a lot of harm.
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One of the Devil's best strategies for me is to distract me. My personality longs to be better and get my act together and be strong etc... I think that the devil uses that against me in all of the best ways he can, and that he is good at it.

I think he doesn't want me to be thankful and satisfied and selfless. I think think he wants me depressed and to pity myself. And I do not want to let him do that.
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There are people, places, materials, things, assets, experiences, emotions, thoughts, smiles, hugs, tastes, feelings, sights, sounds, silence, and lives that bring me to tears when I try to comprehend how blessed I am because of them.

They are the same things that the devil attempts to keep my attention off of so that I can never appreciate what life is. So I can never give glory and be thankful.

If I made a list of those things then there wouldn't be enough time or interest for you to read the list, but I can almost gurantee I would cry thankful tears while I was thinking of all the things.
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A lot of that list consists of people. People who show me love and whom I try to show the same in return.

To those people, I love you. You mean more than you know, and if you ever think you don't mean that much to me then just ask me to remind you. You are worth more than you know and if you think this message isn't about you then you are completely wrong.
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This is not one of the best things I've ever written, but I leave you with this:

You are loved by the greatest of all. He has given you much. See what you have been given. Take a deep breath and slow everything down for just a moment. Just stop. Don't do anything. Be still and see. Imagine if all you can do was taken or you never got to do so much that you have. And just recognize that it warrants a "thank you."
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You are loved. Maybe by me. And for sure by someone way better than that.
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Peace.