Fortune Teller

Jesus isn't safe.
Jesus really effs with your life.
Jesus makes things hard.
Jesus puts what I care about in danger.

But that is only because I care about the wrong things.
...

Sometimes I really believe I am going to go somewhere that isn't safe. Not that I can't or don't do things worth doing here and now, but this feeling just seems to tell me I'm going somewhere very different.

Somewhere where I don't have any cares that could hold me back. (People or things)
Somewhere where I do what Jesus did. (Show people who God is)
Somewhere where I love like Jesus loves. (Unconditionally)
Somewhere where I do things most don't want to do. (Let my heart be broken; over and over)
Somewhere where I am really called to be. (Somewhere different)
Somewhere where I don't even know who will be there with me. (This sucks)
Somewhere where I don't have anything but my character and my actions. (Only He defines me)
Somewhere where nothing matters but Jesus. (Like it should be now, but it isn't)

Good God, that's scary...

Things Exist

Recently I've been telling myself "things exist" over and over.

I write it on my whiteboard. I write it on my wrist. I write it on my arm.

I need to be reminded that "things exist."
...

I need to remember because I have strong desires for specific things deep down in my soul. I want these things so badly now, or in the future, that sometimes it consumes me and everything I do is somehow motivated by trying to get the things I want in my life.

I build these specific things I desire up in my mind to the point that I begin to think that nothing better exists. My head tells me I could never have anything better.

I begin to believe they are the best things that could ever happen in my life.
...

As far back as I can remember, I remember always getting to a point when I really wanted something I began to believe that it was the best thing that I could ever have.

I would really be missing out if I didn't have whatever that was in my life. (And I really didn't want to miss out)
...

But as far back as I can remember, I was always wrong too. There always came new things or people or opportunities that were so much better than anything I had ever seen before in my life. I just had to go through some life to get to them.

Better things existed. Better things had always existed. Even though I was positive they didn't.
...

Things come and things go. Desires change with time. It's tough to think ahead and expect something better when you feel like you have something golden right in front of you, just out of your reach.

I just need to remember that things exist. And they always have.
...

Peace.

Hair Ties And Life Stories

Last year around this time I found a black hair tie in a friend of mine's bookbag. I put it on my wrist.

Not because it meant anything. That was kind of the point. I actually just did it because I thought it looked kinda cool. Another part of me liked the idea of wearing a wristband that didn't mean anything since everyone always seems to wear wristbands that stand for something. I guess I just wanted to go against the grain a little bit.
...

I had that wristband on my right wrist 24/7. People would ask what it stood for, or what it meant, or why I was wearing it. They always seems so surprised/confused when I would say it didn't mean anything; I just thought it looked kinda cool.

I guess people really don't wear wristbands just for the hell of it. Except me, that is.
...

I tell this story because about 3 weeks ago I lost my black wristband.

And all of a sudden, my meaningless black wristband had a ton of meaning to me. Not intentionally, of course, but I started to catch myself noticing it wasn't on my wrist and then I would begin to remember everything I went through or experienced over the past year of my life.

It was like a chapter of my life could be defined as the chapter I wore this black hair tie on my wrist.
...

To be honest I miss it; I don't want that chapter of my life to end.
...

A couple great friendships grew and formed in this chapter.
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A couple relationships got off the ground but never went anywhere in this chapter.
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A lot of great times were shared with my core group of friends in this chapter.
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I lived in Upper Barclay for the first time in this chapter.
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I took a hiatus from theater in this chapter.
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I struggled with pacifism and government in this chapter.
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I broke a bone for the first time in my life in this chapter.
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I broke a bone for the second time in my life in this chapter.
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A lot of great books were read in this chapter.
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I spent my first summer in Canton in this chapter.
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I took the longest road trip of my life in this chapter.
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I hurt a lot of people in this chapter.
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A lot of people hurt me in this chapter.
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I loved a lot of people in this chapter.
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A lot of people loved me in this chapter.
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I had the internship of a lifetime in this chapter.
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The vision for Move groups came in this chapter.
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I pursued and ran from Jesus in this chapter.
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Jesus pursued me in this chapter.
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You were in this chapter.
Thank you.
...

I'm going to miss that chapter.

Peace.