Pseudo Good Morning

I had a really weird experience. Kinda like Deja Vu. Maybe exactly like Deja Vu, but I'm no Deja Vu expert.

I woke up early this morning because I slept like crap last night and waking up far before I wanted to was just the perfect way to end it.
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I really did not like high school most of the time I was in it. That seems to be the consensus for most people once you are a few years removed from it. I especially hated the morning before I would drive to school, or get on the bus when I was even younger.

I would wake up and stumble around the house to the bathroom and then my room and then the kitchen and then back to my room and do all the things necessary to get ready to leave. When I was too young to drive to school, I remember being ready a few minutes before the bus would come and just sitting in my living room far too early in the morning watching SportsCenter on ESPN. This really sucked because I never got to see a full episode and always managed to see the bus coming down the street right as the highlights I really wanted to see were coming on.

It was very frustrating. Especially since I was already frustrated to be awake and miserable I was going to school for the next 8 hours.

The other thing that really sucked about those mornings sitting and watching SportsCenter was that, depending what time of year it was, there wasn't even anything I was interested in being talked about. When I was younger, all I cared about was football. I never liked baseball or hockey or basketball highlights because I didn't care much about the sports.
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I hated baseball season. Basketball and hockey seasons were no better, but baseball season just seemed sooooo long. And there are games everyday. Its not like I knew that Monday mornings was the day SportsCenter was going to be covering all the baseball highlights because baseball was played on Sunday. No no no. Everyday, for months, baseball ruled the highlights and the news and the commentary on SportsCenter.

I hated those months.

I hated being awake in the mornings.

I hated high school.

At that point in my life, I was a very unhappy young kid.
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This morning I woke up way too early and rolled over in bed fully aware I was not going to get back to sleep. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV and flipped over to SportsCenter. They were showing highlights of a basketball game. A Knicks game I cared nothing about.

In that moment, the feelings of being miserable for being awake too early and the dissappointment/disatisfaction/indifference of watching highlights I was completely uninterested in fused together in a fashion very similar to that of what I used to feel daily in 9th grade.

My stomach dropped, and I hated life for a moment.
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How weird that feeling was captivates me. I was so discouraged. I hate being miserable, but in that moment I was fully aware that I was miserable because of circumstances that no longer exist and I just had a flashback of emotions from 6 years ago. It was fascinating and it sucked real bad at the same time.

Crazy.

Luckily I changed the channel and watched music videos on Vh1. That might have been no better, except they no longer videos and songs from 2003. I'm grateful for that.
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Peace.