As I lay in my bed staring at my alarm clock radio that is playing classical music fron NPR, the digital numbers change from 10:19pm to 10:20pm, and I think to myself "another minute of this life I can never get back." Then my glance shoots over to my movie poster of Donnie Darko and I daydream about the film I am working on with some friends and think about all the work that needs to be done and how unfulfilled my days seem right now and have seemed over the past 3 or so months. I think about how much more I want to do with my life and all the things I wish I was doing and making and creating. I think about the legacy I am not building.
10:21pm. And I lay in bed.
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First of all, I have to confess that my bed isn't really a bed-bed. It's a futon with a thick mattress that I never fold into a futon. I just thought it wouldn't be fair for you to be daydreaming about my current environment and have that detail be all wrong.
Secondly, I find myself constantly reverting back to a desire for progress.
I want progress in my life. I need to feel like I am going somewhere, like I am doing something larger with my life rather than just sitting and going about my routine while missing all the bigger things I could be a part of.
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I think some of this comes out of a recent narrative theology that I really like to think about. I only call it recent because it is something I came across about 4 years ago, although its been around for decades longer. Basically this theology says that we are all part of the story of this world and that the main plot is about God creating this world and everything in it (like us) and how the world didn't obey God so it got all mucked up. Then God sends his Son to the world to fix it once and for all through a sacrificial, not disciplinary way, and now the world is slowly being fixed through its own efforts, but those are only possible because of what God's son did. And the end of the story is that someday God's son will come back again and really fix everything once and for all and all the progress we will have made will be peanuts compared to what he will do.
Peanuts. All our progress will be peanuts.
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I am caught in between these 2 ideas. This idea that we all play an, all things considered, very small role in the story of this world but it is our role and we must play it. And that is a role where we move in ways that reveal who God's son is and show people what he has done.
But that isn't the only story we think about.
As a matter of fact, it is probably not even the story we think about most often. The story we think about most often is the one where we are the main character. We live that story every moment of our lives, so it is no surprise that it is a big deal to us.
Now, isn't it interesting to think that there are basically 2 billion people all over the world all thinking the exact same thing as us? We have 2 billion people all thinking that the most important story is the one about them. 2 billion more-important-than-everyone-else's stories.
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This blog isn't to talk about how our stories aren't the focus of our lives. I think that is true, but the question that inevitably comes is, "well then how do I live my story in meaningful ways that contribute to the larger story of God and this world while also feeling like my story is worthwhile and fulfilling?" The reason I won't talk about that is because it is going to be very different for every person and there are other people who have written better answers to that question than I could ever dream up.
No, this blog is about rest and progress. Yes, we have work to be done and yes we may always feel like we are not doing all that we should (especially if we are unhappy and antsy in our current stage of life). At the same time, I have found it helpful to think about the way God created us.
Don't worry, this isn't the part of the blog where I start quoting Lady GaGa (although she is awesome).
Just think about all the options and choices God had when he made us. God chose to make us beings that get tired. He chose to make us beings that need sleep every single day. He chose to make us people who needed rest and who couldn't just work and work and work and build and build and build. We get to points where we must stop and our bodies demand rest.
If progress was all that mattered to God, then he could have made us differently.
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There is something to that, I think. There is something that is important to understand that sometimes the clock might just tick and tick and tick and that is okay. Just because we can see the clock ticking doesn't mean we have done something wrong or aren't doing something right. Sometimes it just means that it's bed time. Or it's nap time. Or it's the weekend. Or Ghost Whisperer is on and there are another 14 minutes until Without A Trace comes on. You get it.
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This is not a blog to encourage sloth. Laziness is a captivating and evil little guy that only grows worse and worse until we somehow pull ourselves out of it and feel the sunlight and recognize the err of our ways. All I want to say is that there are seasons in life just like there are seasons in the year and their are different times of day. Some of those seasons may be slow, but just take that to mean that other parts of your story are right around the corner. And I bet you that coming season will be a little more exciting than where you've just been.
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Remember, God rested on the 7th day.
10:44pm. Sweet dreams.
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Peace.
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