Fortune Teller

Jesus isn't safe.
Jesus really effs with your life.
Jesus makes things hard.
Jesus puts what I care about in danger.

But that is only because I care about the wrong things.
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Sometimes I really believe I am going to go somewhere that isn't safe. Not that I can't or don't do things worth doing here and now, but this feeling just seems to tell me I'm going somewhere very different.

Somewhere where I don't have any cares that could hold me back. (People or things)
Somewhere where I do what Jesus did. (Show people who God is)
Somewhere where I love like Jesus loves. (Unconditionally)
Somewhere where I do things most don't want to do. (Let my heart be broken; over and over)
Somewhere where I am really called to be. (Somewhere different)
Somewhere where I don't even know who will be there with me. (This sucks)
Somewhere where I don't have anything but my character and my actions. (Only He defines me)
Somewhere where nothing matters but Jesus. (Like it should be now, but it isn't)

Good God, that's scary...

Things Exist

Recently I've been telling myself "things exist" over and over.

I write it on my whiteboard. I write it on my wrist. I write it on my arm.

I need to be reminded that "things exist."
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I need to remember because I have strong desires for specific things deep down in my soul. I want these things so badly now, or in the future, that sometimes it consumes me and everything I do is somehow motivated by trying to get the things I want in my life.

I build these specific things I desire up in my mind to the point that I begin to think that nothing better exists. My head tells me I could never have anything better.

I begin to believe they are the best things that could ever happen in my life.
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As far back as I can remember, I remember always getting to a point when I really wanted something I began to believe that it was the best thing that I could ever have.

I would really be missing out if I didn't have whatever that was in my life. (And I really didn't want to miss out)
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But as far back as I can remember, I was always wrong too. There always came new things or people or opportunities that were so much better than anything I had ever seen before in my life. I just had to go through some life to get to them.

Better things existed. Better things had always existed. Even though I was positive they didn't.
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Things come and things go. Desires change with time. It's tough to think ahead and expect something better when you feel like you have something golden right in front of you, just out of your reach.

I just need to remember that things exist. And they always have.
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Peace.

Hair Ties And Life Stories

Last year around this time I found a black hair tie in a friend of mine's bookbag. I put it on my wrist.

Not because it meant anything. That was kind of the point. I actually just did it because I thought it looked kinda cool. Another part of me liked the idea of wearing a wristband that didn't mean anything since everyone always seems to wear wristbands that stand for something. I guess I just wanted to go against the grain a little bit.
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I had that wristband on my right wrist 24/7. People would ask what it stood for, or what it meant, or why I was wearing it. They always seems so surprised/confused when I would say it didn't mean anything; I just thought it looked kinda cool.

I guess people really don't wear wristbands just for the hell of it. Except me, that is.
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I tell this story because about 3 weeks ago I lost my black wristband.

And all of a sudden, my meaningless black wristband had a ton of meaning to me. Not intentionally, of course, but I started to catch myself noticing it wasn't on my wrist and then I would begin to remember everything I went through or experienced over the past year of my life.

It was like a chapter of my life could be defined as the chapter I wore this black hair tie on my wrist.
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To be honest I miss it; I don't want that chapter of my life to end.
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A couple great friendships grew and formed in this chapter.
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A couple relationships got off the ground but never went anywhere in this chapter.
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A lot of great times were shared with my core group of friends in this chapter.
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I lived in Upper Barclay for the first time in this chapter.
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I took a hiatus from theater in this chapter.
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I struggled with pacifism and government in this chapter.
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I broke a bone for the first time in my life in this chapter.
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I broke a bone for the second time in my life in this chapter.
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A lot of great books were read in this chapter.
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I spent my first summer in Canton in this chapter.
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I took the longest road trip of my life in this chapter.
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I hurt a lot of people in this chapter.
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A lot of people hurt me in this chapter.
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I loved a lot of people in this chapter.
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A lot of people loved me in this chapter.
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I had the internship of a lifetime in this chapter.
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The vision for Move groups came in this chapter.
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I pursued and ran from Jesus in this chapter.
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Jesus pursued me in this chapter.
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You were in this chapter.
Thank you.
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I'm going to miss that chapter.

Peace.

Notice The Difference

I was still unknown by sight to the churches of Judea which were in Christ; but only, they kept hearing, "He who once persecuted us is now preaching the faith which he once tried to destroy." And they were glorifying God because of me.

Galatians 1:22-24
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In this passage, Paul is recapping much of what he has done since the time he became a follow of Christ. He talks about how he had left many of his Jewish contemporaries in the dust and was also a wicked persecutor of the faith.

And then he talks about he was making his first visit to the churches in Judea.
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The reason this gets to interesting to me, is that Paul talks about how the churches Judea were completely unfamiliar to him by sight; they had only ever heard about how he was attempting to destroy the faith.

So let's recap for a second. We have Paul, a former Pharisee of Pharisees that was advancing far beyond many of his peers and also was rigorously pursuing Christians to put them to death. And now, he will go and visit Judea.
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What is so amazing to me about this passage is the reaction from the Judean church when they hear that Paul is coming to visit.

They begin to glorify God, not because they have seen Paul, but simply because they are aware of what his old ways were and what his current ways are. And it is night and day, ladies and gentlemen. Night and day.
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These believers had never even seen Paul, but they were rejoicing for the change of his heart and love given to him by the Spirit.

What is the chance that something like that happens to us on any kind of consistent basis?

I think that it happens a lot when we first come to follow Christ, right? At that point, the only thing on our mind is how do we follow Christ in a genuine way? What do we have to do to show the world that we have his Spirit?
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Maybe for you, you have never really not been a Christian. In that case, maybe the question you need to reflect on is when was the last time someone told you that you were a blessing to them? Maybe it was yesterday, and maybe you don't remember when the last time that was.
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If there was a time in your life when you did not follow Christ, then here is a question you can ask yourself: What can I do that will let me shine the brightest I can possibly shine in this world; that will make me look different?

The answer to that question may not be what you are looking for, and I'm not suggesting you need to go and leave everyone that God has put in your life behind. What I would say I am suggesting, is that if you look at where God has brought you at this point in your life, then take a look around and see where is that Christ's light needs to show up.
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Paul tells us about how the change in his life made people give glory to God simply because they heard about the change in his life. That's sweet.

One way I feel like that could apply to us, is to see if there is a way that we can do the kinds of things that Paul did and live with that kind of vigor so that we can help people see that light that Christ has put in us. And that question applies to anyone, whether you have just become a Christian or you have been going to church since you can remember.

What is it about you and the way you conduct yourself that is going to make people praise God that you chose to follow him?
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Peace.

Hell's Invitation

In his book, Sex God, Rob Bell talks about how big the implications of our actions actually are. We hardly ever realize it and we allow ourselves to think as if we are unimportant and we are unable to actually make an impact.

Rob has this to say regarding that:

"With every decision, conversation, gesture, comment, action, and attitude, we’re inviting heaven or hell to earth."
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Obviously Rob believes that our actions actually carry HUGE implications in the spiritual realm of our world. And I think he is completely right.

It is funny because we will so often act as if the things we do, even when we know they are wrong, don't matter because we can't make a difference. But by the same token, if we are trying to do something good or honorable, we want the praise and we want to be noticed for the fact we are attempting to make a difference and positive impact in our world. I guess we just can't make up our mind whether we are instrumental or we don't matter at all.

I'm pretty sure we are instrumental.
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In any case, I think that something we really need to recognize is just how influential we are in the world and what our responsibility as Christ follows will always be: Bring the Kingdom to earth.

If that is true, then everything we do (gestures, decisions, thoughts, comments, attitudes) will bring either more of Heaven or more of Hell to our world.

We are so much more influential than we ever want to accept.
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I want to add something to what Rob said in his book (which by the way, if you have not read Sex God, you must. It is literally amazing. One of the best books I've ever read).

Not only do we create a world which more resembles either God's eternal presence or His eternal absence, but we have the ability to create and sustain an atmosphere around us that affects everyone we come in contact with. We create something that is painful and frustrating and sorrowful; and it follows us wherever we go.

Not only do we create that kind of an environment for the people we interact with; we create it for ourselves, too.

We have the ability to make our lives a living hell, and everyone who is reading this right now knows exactly what I am talking about. We make decisions and do or say things that not only make it Hell for people to interact with us, but we make it Hell to be us. We invite Hell, not only into this world, but we invite it into our hearts and our persons.

And trust me, as fallen beings, we are fantastic at harboring Hell deep within ourselves.
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So this is what I suggest. Pursue the Kingdom. Spend time with Christ and ask Him to fill you. We cannot do this alone, and we do not have to. Not anymore.

When Christ is thriving within us, then pursuing the Kingdom is our truest desire, and He will speak how it is we should do that to us. We just need to listen.

But take heart. We don't have to make those decisions alone. We have a wonderful loving savior who is willing to walk right next to us, every single step of the way.
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"My old self has been crucified with Christ. For is it no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me."

Galatians 2:20
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Peace.

Another Fall

I haven't posted in about a month, and for that I apologize.

I have been really busy, I promise.
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It is a new fall semester, and this one is pretty busy. I have 2 music lessons, 4 classes, CA stuff going on, small group stuff going on, a nearly-daily workout routine, and a pseudo social life. I'm also on the market to be involved with some sort of theater on campus, which is something I really do want to get back into. It's a balance that I'm learning is pretty tough to maintain.

Balance is so hard, but it is also the key.
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I've come to see something weird in my perspective toward a lot of things nowadays. I feel like I have been here at Malone for 2 years, and I have gone through a lot of phases where I cared a lot about this or that or this or that... I have tried to keep my hand on top of everything and stressed myself out about a lot of different things. I think that at this point I have come to understand myself well enough that I know what it is I need to stay on top of and what it is I don't need to care about or get worked up about anymore.

Does that make sense at all?

It's just like, I've been here for 2 years now, and I have stressed about not going to chapel, or not doing every single reading for every single class, or not working ahead, or anything else I could worry about. But I think that now I have gotten to a point where I have a good handle on what is worth stressing about and what isn't.

And here is my conclusion: Most things aren't worth stressing about... At all.
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I think that is a good thing a bad thing. Becoming apathetic normally isn't a good thing, but I just look at it as really understanding my priorities. I do feel bad that some things are getting the shaft, but really it just is what it is. I just can't handle anything more at the moment.

At the end of the day, I'm not even a month into the semester, so there is still a lot to figure out, but I'm just going on down the road. If I see you along the way, make sure you say hi.
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Peace.

Looking Through A Different Lens

I feel like I am starting to struggle to see people through the same lens as God.  Not all the time, but I am noticing my struggle.

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It is easier to not see people in that lens because they don't matter to you as much.  You don't feel this wicked amount of compassion being ripped from you all the time.  You don't want to be or feel as invested in everyone.  

And, as a consequence of caring or not caring for someone, they don't have the ability to hurt you as much.

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But I would rather hurt and be You, Lord, than heal and be me.  Always.

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"We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour.  If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it."

-C.S. Lewis

"Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins."

-1 Peter 4:8

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Peace.

Just Friends

Most of us have been in a place or gone through the experience where imagining being "just friends" with someone we deeply care about fills us with disappointment, sadness, frustration, anger, depression, hurt, and tons of other painful emotions that drag us down.

Those experiences suck.  They suck bad.

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In those relationships, the other person does not want to commit to you in a way that makes your relationship more serious because their feelings and attachment to you doesn't reflect yours.  Well why does that make a difference?  It makes a huge difference, as we all know, because in relationships there is an aspect of mutuality and responsibility both parties share.  You are responsible to him/her and she/he is responsible to you; and you both want it that way.

That is one of the things that makes relationships so beautiful; mutuality.  You both want what it is you have with each other.  At least, you want it enough to stay in it and work through things and hopefully have something that is really rewarding and amazing.  (Granted, that is not always how it looks, but for the sake of my point I'll stick to the more positive side of things.)

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So, when you get into a relationship with a person, you have the responsibility to not hurt that person.  That person has handed you their heart and now they trust you to keep it and not kill it.  Sometimes, rejecting their heart because you are not up for that responsibility doesn't make things not hurt, its just a different stage of the process that brought about the pain; it came sooner than later.

Rob Bell, in his book  Sex God, wrote that when we love another person and want to pursue something romantic with them, we are handing our heart to them.  When they turn us down, the reason it aches and hurts so bad deep inside is because we offered a piece of ourselves to them and they rejected it.  That hurts.  That hurts bad.

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How often do you think that we tell God we want to stay "just friends" with Him? 

I gotta tell you, I think that God loves us so much that He chases after us and pursues us constantly.  I think a lot of times God asks us to have a very intimate and deep relationship with him, but we freeze.  We will stop dead in our tracks, because we don't want that responsibility.  Some of us think that we can't handle the responsibility, and some of us just don't want to be that tied down.  Being good friends is much safer.  

The more casual our relationship with God the more insulated we feel from our responsibility to Him.

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Unfortunately, or maybe not so unfortunately, we can't really side step what our relation to God is.  When it comes down to it, we can put it off and stall and make as many excuses as we want, but we were made to be in an intimate relationship with God.  It is simply in our design as creatures.  

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It is a crushing blow to love someone and have them reject your heart and hand it back to you.  Love is just a dangerous game.  C.S. Lewis wrote that the only place we will ever escape all the dangers of love outside of Heaven will be Hell.  Since we aren't in Heaven and we are hopefully not on the way to Hell, love is always going to be here and it is always going to be dangerous and tough.  That is just the way our world works.  But even still, loving is the most rewarding thing and, ultimately, the most Christ-like thing many of us will ever do in this world.

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I'm not sure if you remember what it feels like to be told that someone didn't want to have a relationship that was anything more than friends with you, when you clearly had feelings that were much stronger than friendship.  If you don't know from experience, let me tell you that it is crushing.  It can cripple you.

So now take a look at your relationship with God.  We all know where He stands and what His feelings toward us are.  We all know how much He loves us; so much that He died for us.  But what are you saying back to Him?  That is what really matters.  We can't change God and how He pursues us or the fact that He loves us.  All we can do is change our response to His love.

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"If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels.  If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels." - Rob Bell

Peace.

The Day Does Not Belong To Me

One evening last week I heard a man talking about how every morning he wakes up and asks, "God, what are you going to do today?"

He asks because he knows that our lives are not about us; they are about the people God can use us to reach.  And then one day down the line it, for those people it won't be about them anymore either; it will be about the people God can now use them them to reach.

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How far away from that mindset do we find ourselves the majority of the time?

I'll tell you what I do.  Every day I wake up and have this selfish desire deep inside for God to catch my attention today.  What I want is for God to set up spotlights around the things I will come across that day so I know who or what I am supposed to engage and who or what I can ignore with a clear conscious.

Do you see the difference?

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Anything less than coming to God everyday and saying, "Here I am, what I can I do for you and your Son?" is not acceptable.

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Now, maybe you are in the process of getting to that point.  You don't feel like you are a person God can use because you don't know enough or you aren't mature enough or you haven't experienced enough.  Whether or not that is true isn't important.  What is important is to recognize that if you never get to the point where you are asking yourself, consistently, "God, what are you going to do with me?  Because I'm ready," then you are never reaching your potential as a follower of Christ.

Plain and simple.

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The realization is nothing spectacular.  To be honest, I think it is just something we are lazy about.  I mean, really, who in their right mind wants to give up the right to use today "how I want" to use today?  No one but Jesus.  (But the good news is: He lives in you, craziness and all.)

No one ever sacrificed everything they ever wanted and desired as perfectly as we should, except Jesus.  No one ever gave up their entire life and all that came with it for what the Father desires, except Jesus.  No one was ever perfect, except Jesus.  But hey, no one ever said following Christ was easy.

But it's worth it.

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Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.  What good will it be for you to gain the whole world, yet forfeit your soul? Or what can you give in exchange for your soul?  For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward everyone according to what they have done."

Matthew 16:24-27

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Peace.

Movies Movies Movies

I love movies.  This summer I have watched a lot of movies.  There is no way I can remember all the movies I have seen so far this summer.  Even still, I will try to give a few quick reviews of the movies I remember I've seen this summer.

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THE HAPPENING - I don't dislike Mark Walberg at all, and I was really routing for a good performance.  Nope.  I was denied.  The acting by Walberg was terrible.  It sounded like every line he said he was reading for the first time.  The script didn't help him any.

3 out of 10

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THE INCREDIBLE HULK - As my roommate Sam said, "If you watched it on mute it would be a kick-ass movie."  A lot of the dialogue was just really poor.  Espicially William Hurt.  Ugh, it made me cringe at times.  Liv Tyler and Edward Norton were pretty solid, to be honest.  But aside from the fact that a solid portion of the movie was decent, some things that happen in that movie are just ridiculous.  Maybe I'm just spoiled from the next movie I'm about to review.

5 out of 10

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THE DARK KNIGHT - Amazing.  Incredible.  Astonishing.  Phenomenal.  The Nolan brothers writing was amazing.  The direction was flawless.  The performances from Bale, Oldman, Gyllenhaal, Freeman, and Caine were all awesome.  Just awesome.  Eckhart was an fantastic Harvey Dent.  Heath... oh, Heath.  Ledger's performance has actually made me want to act again.  It was such an experience to see him put a face on a character so sinister and dark that he didn't seem real.  Albeit, I know that it was only possible for Heath to do what he did because of the amazing script the Nolan brothers gave him.  The whole movie has made me want to write and act again.  It was just that amazing.

On the trivial side, I will say that the incredible detail the sonar was able to give batman was a little too much for me.  I love how realistic Chris Nolan is trying to do everything, but that sonar just seemed to be such a step away from that.  I didn't like it.  Also, the CGI Two-Face was a little much for me.  I'm not saying I have an alternative, just that looking at it was a little distracting, in a bad way.  The last thing I will say is that Harvey Dent turned a little easier than I thought he would.  He was so strong the entire movie, then after one event he just gave up.  I think there is a case to be made for the way it went.

All those critiques are more than trivial, and the movie is still my favorite movie EVER.  Seriously, if you have not seen this, or have seen it only once, go see it.  RIGHT NOW!

10 out of 10

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THE STRANGERS - I wanted this to be good.  I really really did.  It was freaky, yes.  It wasn't scary for the hour and twenty I was in the theater though.  I love the fact that the motive was random.  I loved that a lot.  But I suppose when there is no motive, there is no plot.  That may have been why only freaky cinematography was all the movie has to offer.  Also, the ending... I was not happy.  Either way, I just wish the movie has more to offer than people popping out and some creepy scenes.  Just too predictable.

4 out of 10

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THE MISSION - This movie is not recent, but I saw it for the first time recently.  It was really solid.  Jeremy Irons and Robert De Niro were both really good and just the whole story was unique and something I really appreciated.  The spiritual aspect was also something I enjoyed.  The conflict of interest between De Niro and Irons is very valuable.  Everyone with any kind of interest in the Christian faith should see this.

8.5 out of 10

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TALLADEGA NIGHTS - This movie was just too random for me.  It is quotable, just like any other Will Ferrell movie.  It was funny, but the plot and some of the scenes just seemed to random and dragged on.  I guess I'm glad I can say I've seen it, but it wasn't what I was hoping for.

6 out of 10

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INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL - Sure, it was cool to see another Indy movie.  Sure, Shia Lebouf was a pleasant surprise.  However, George Lucas needs to stop.  He just needs to stop.  This movie has an ending and a story line that is just so crazy... I don't know what else to say.  If you are going to see this movie, it should only be because it is an Indiana Jones movie and Harrison came back to do it.  There really isn't any other worthy justification.

4 out of 10

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THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN - I haven't read the book, but this was entertaining.  Peter really got on my nerves.  I'm just saying, the kid had a chip on his shoulder that really started to piss me off.  Its okay thought, last movie Edmund made me want to punch him right in the face.  In this one, that responsibility just shifted to Peter.  So be it, I enjoyed watching this movie.  Aside from the bear who had the most hilarious voice and Lucy's line early in the movie, "Feels like magic!" (what does magic feel like?  And how would you know Lucy, eh?) the movie was pretty solid.

7.75 out of 10

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That is all I can remember as of now that I've seen this summer for the first time.  Hope they help.

Peace.